ORLANDO, FL, Feb. 14
/MidnightOutpost.com/ – Lawd Mo' Drama. Become an answer to this
question: Where can I go? “Now this is a place to go when
'you' have no other place to go at midnight.” I am being
pushed away by my best friend. I believe that I see why she is
pushing me away (It's because someone whom my best friend trust is
embarrassed by me loving my best friend and her loving me - my best
friend trust this person more than herself or me. hm.... Ironic that
she should not, isn't it? Really, should you trust someone/anyone
else more than yourself? hm...).
Well, I'm easy to push away!
Why? Because when I'm not pushed (and attracted) then I must be
wanted (to some degree). Ironically (not really, when it is thought
about), I believe that I'm still wanted by my best friend. Physically
though, I must move away now because she is pushing. Not emotionally,
I'll be here for her if she needs me, wants me, needs me to be there
for her. I believe that she can't change this now. Emotionally, she
can change it and I believe that she will not,
because she is not of that character, or personality.
I became worried when a
mutual friend (I thought) joined a group on facebook.com (stop
suicides). I have not heard from my best friend in about 2 weeks. This
worried me because I see my best friend moving toward a more negative
environment. It is more hostile, not trusting, abusive, coercive,
nonsupporting, take advantage of, manipulative, etc. Her Landlord is
her boss man. I grew up down in the boondocks, and I learned that
this is not good. I do not now or plan to help her destroy herself. I
want her to become herself, (see Momma's Gurl to Girl article here at
MidnightOutpost.com). She is now insisting upon doing things (within
the last 6 weeks) that for the last 6 years she has been adamant to
not do. The risk of suicide is increasing
although, until now, I believe not likely.
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My previous landlord was
becoming infatuated with me and wanted me to move into her room with
her, and in the same bed, so that she could rent the room that I was
now occupying. I don't care for her that way and I refused saying
that I wanted to be with my best friend.(My best friend doesn't know
this). My best friend called me later that night, (we are making
plans because we are spending the next day together – a rarity
now that I live in Poinciana, Fl) My landlord, while I'm still on the
phone with my best friend, leaves the condo with a bottle of
prescription pain pills. I don't know this until the next morning.
She commits suicide while I'm still on the phone talking to my best
friend. Now, me and my best friend know this.
With my best friend moving
toward a more abusive environment, the mutual friend joining “stop
suicides” worries me. So I send her a message asking about my
best friend (whom I feel it better to not contact now) – is she
OK? “Mutual friend” doesn't answer my question. Now, that
is a friend isn't it? hm...
hm...
I do however, believe that
“there is that force in the universe, that can appear negative
at times but is really there to help you [achieve your dreams]”
– The
Alchemist
by Paulo Coelho.
(Well, I believe that my
best friend may be OK – or “mutual friend” would
have told me – and maybe, probably blamed me!)
It is not always what you
say, sometimes, more importantly, it is what you don't say.
So, “mutual friend”,
why is it that you don't talk to me? Is it something that you saw me
do? Or not do? Or something that your prejudice insist upon that you
believe?
Why did you join “stop
suicides?” hm...
Red wine is good for the heart
I believe that I care about people and care about their feelings. Since I care about your feelings "mutual friend"...
So, for not answering my
question... hm..
Are you chasing away people
that could care for you by doing this?
Are you chasing away people
that can NEVER care for you by doing this?
hm...
Whom do you believe that you are you attracting?
What kind of people are you attracting to you when you are doing
this?
Is that what you want to attract to you? hm....
I can't help it. I love. I
care about people. As for those that do not...
Such are the people, that
are around me.!
Did Shakespeare have it
right? Is everyone an actor or actress?
by Paulo Coelho.
